A comment on my previous post about the book Fifty Shades of Grey and its two sequels pointed me to Jennifer Armintrout's blog. Not only is there a humorous chapter by chapter take on the first book but also how the relationship crosses the line into being abusive. This blog entry is particularly good.
I see "red flags" being spoken about on numerous internet forums, especially the BDSM ones I frequent. Often these red flags are simply different perspectives into what actions they would and would not find acceptable in a partner (i.e. He didn't answer the phone on the single occasion I called it in the evening... it must mean he is married... RED FLAG!!) and rarely are they applicable across the broad spectrum of individuals involved in BDSM. The post I have linked to, however, is different as it focuses not on the actions of the other party, which almost always is open to interpretation, but on how the relationship and partner makes you feel. A good post and worth checking out. Especially if you are one of those who enjoyed the Fifty Shades books and desire that type of relationship.
If a relationship isn't a positive part of your life, if it causes more pain (in the non-consensual/emotional way) than happiness, perhaps it is time to re-evaluate that relationship.
Skeptical kinkster musing on whatever takes my fancy!