PLEASE NOTE - POTENTIAL TRIGGER WARNING.
Coercive sex or rape? More men will admit to using coercive sexual practices and aggression towards women when terminology other than rape is used. An excellent article by +Kimberly Chapman ( https://plus.google.com/u/0/+KimberlyChapman/posts/Botux1aTsAh ) discusses these issues and recent research on the topic. Worth a read but please note the trigger warning.
https://plus.google.com/u/0/+KimberlyChapman/posts/Botux1aTsAhPerception around the word rape is a complex issue. It took a long time for me to admit I had been raped because I didn't want to use that word. I was coerced. I was harmed. I didn't consent. I said no. But I still find using the word rape difficult. When I was dealing with some of the confusing emotions resulting from and after the events (it happened more than once so years apart) I hesitantly used the word rape when talking about them to my (male) partner at the time and was shouted down. Consent is everything. If you cannot get clear, unequivocal consent or if the individual is saying no or is not capable of giving consent then you should not be doing it.
BDSM plays with issues of Dominance and submission, either reflecting, reversing or twisting typical gender stereotypes that seem to be perpetuated across society about masculinity and femininity. But consent is always at the heart and there is a huge amount of emphasis on ensuring consent is in place, whether via the use of formalised M/s contracts at the extreme end or the use of safe words in play situations. Fictionalised forms of BDSM, such as Fifty Shades of Grey, do not place the emphasis on informed consent and that particular book demonstrates an abusive rather than empowered dynamic. Forcing and/or coercing someone into sexual situations they are not comfortable with is morally wrong. You do not have the right to chose what happens to another adult's body without their consent and your wants/needs do not supercede their right to a choice. It doesn't matter whether you call it rape or coercion, it is the same thing and if terminology is an issue, using a combination of terms might help to get the message across.
Skeptical kinkster musing on whatever takes my fancy!